Let's pretend....

My absolutely, hands down, undeniable favorite game when I was younger. Every play date started off with the same words..
                                   ....."Let's pretend.....".

Oh I loved pretending...being someone else. I'm sure there was a lot of dialogue explaining what and how and why I was pretending in such a way. Because along with pretending...I needed to be understood.

I still do.
I don't pretend as much though.....I stopped that not long after I got married.

                                                                                                                        I wonder why.

I think, cuz I thought
                               I needed to grow up and live in reality and not fantasy.

I would say...a little precious part of me died or went on a very deep sleep then. I think pretend is where reality starts.
I think pretend is where dreams enter into a world of what can be...not just maybe or what if.

I think if we pretended more, we'd stress less.



I still don't pretend much.....oh....


                                     Oh.


I remember when I stopped pretending, and hoping and dreaming. When they became to heavy. The Hope I had in my dreams......hurt. My heart ached and I started to put them away. I'd had enough heavy heartedness...I didn't want to give it to myself. I wanted to "protect" myself.

So I gave them up, some I gave to God and surrendered.

                                           Some I buried and covered up, hid, disowned.

I don't know what to say..........

I'd like to dream and pretend again. I wonder if I can be as good at it as I was when I was 6.