It's Official..I'm a Mother in Law

Hit me that morning more than any other day that our son was getting married....now it doesn't seem real again.
But then again, they are on their honeymoon and the reality won't be there for awhile yet...once we all start doing life together more I guess.

Just wanted to share a pic of the morning of the wedding, the guys all in their tuxes and awaiting the time for the ceremony to begin. I had the privilege of pinning all their boutineers on...then be there for their prayer time.
A group of about 10 gathered around my son and laid their hands on his shoulders and prayed over him. Blessings, encouragement, support and love....it will be one of the most precious moments in my memories of the day....along with the amazing vows both Caleb and Maria shared...and the beautiful looks they gave each other as they stood before the sea of witnesses...and the final kiss that sealed the covenant and the speech at the rehearsal that Caleb shared and the touching words Sunny shared as Calebs Best Man and....ya...I guess there were numerous moments that I will hold precious from that day.

But for this post, I'll share a couple pics of the guys praying with Caleb.....it makes my spirit leap with Joy!

This is what success looks like, this is how dynamic marriages are established and how couples impact the world. Caleb is a very blessed and wealthy man indeed.

Dressing a MOG

Well, here she is...
my dress!

What do you think? I found some shoes yesterday...not exactly what I was looking for, but they are super cute and fun.
And besides...it seems my other options were BOOTS....Everywhere has boots and minimum shooze.

Ah well.

So have:
Dress
Shoes
Bracelet

Need:
Earrings
Necklace
Pashmina ( I am aLwAyS cold...and don't want to cover myself up all day and evening, my fab friend CC recommended a pashmina....smart girl she is!)

I'm happy, need some color in my leggage area, will get some tanner me thinks. Or nylons...with control top hehe

 

Breakthrough!

Have to share...just need to..want to. Compelled to.

I had an amazing breakthrough just a couple days ago..with a lie that I had been living out for over 30 years.
A fear that had gripped me, toyed with me, held me hostage and literally was an obsession.

It told me if I let go of it...I'd completely lose control. And one of my greatest fears would become a reality.
I carried this fear, this lie around, for so long it felt like a part of me. I didn't see the lie...how could I, I had invited it into my life..unknowingly when I was just barely a teen. Young, naive and trying to do the right thing.

This lie, taunted me, it played with me, depressed me and made me feel inadequate and like a loser.

Nothing was good enough to quench this lie. I couldn't work hard enough, obsess enough, to rid myself of it.

Oh the pool full of tears I have shed over this lie. The novel length, countless journals I have filled.

The hatred it rose in me for myself and my lack of control. The words of disgust it caused me to yell of how horrible I was....

Lies are like that....Fears are like that. They hold you captive, with small "truths" twisted and disguised. Lies can't create from nothing, they aren't that talented, they build from some small truth and distort to make themselves believable. Fear is similar. Not able to do anything without a small truth attached.

They are sordid, horrendous creatures that seek to destroy and tear down. Their main objective is to cause harm. There is no good in them, they want to control, manipulate ...they want to make you hurt.

Mine was so unwanted, but at the same time..the lie it held me with was the letting go part...I'd lose control!!!

I'd become....fat.

I found out, it was a lie on top of a lie. A fear holding tight to a lie to hold me captive in a self destructive pattern. That only led to bondage...not freedom.

So,
I saw the lie, I was fearful, but I exposed it, called it by name...and rejected it. I called it out. It has no authority in MY life. It has no place in my world any longer.
 I am beautiful, I am loved. I am free.
The fear was exposed as ridiculous...unfounded. Weak, it literally left without a fight.
The fear no longer has any grip on me.

I am completely able to walk in peace knowing.... That no matter what...no matter how big..or small I am. No matter.
I am Loved. Completely, utterly, fully.

LOVED
Pressed down, shaken together and running over...Loved.

Free

MOG-in along

This MOG thing has inspired me.

I want to start a website for MOG's. But...I wonder...how wanted or needed is it actually? Who would actually use it? Or even search for it?

I know, I'm an unusual MOG. I have loved weddings, I love designing and party planning. I enjoy so much finding creative ideas and working them together to make something unique and beautiful. I have a great eye and I can envision how things should look...or could look...will look or would look. Good and bad.
I have lots to learn, and I'm certainly not the ultimate best at it...but ya know...I'm pretty darn good. And most of my friends know it. I guess it's one of those obvious things.

So at any rate...I'm unusual. I search and look online too. That's something else unique about me. I'm not the status quo of surface information. I dig. I ask questions and I look for other options. I like being different and i like finding something "special".

Hmm...I'm wondering if this post is making any sense at all.

Ok, let's start at the beginning again.

Inspired
MOG website
Who would use it
I'm unique

ya...would there be any other MOG's out there who would actually be interested in a website dedicated to them?
I guess that is the million dollar question...who would actually look for it?

What do other MOG's do or think while the wedding is being planned? They have stuff of their own....rehearsal dinner, finding an outfit....what else do they involve themselves in?

I've talked with a few.
Some have little or nothing to do with the wedding planning at all. Some get involved cuz the bride is very close to them and she loves including her future MIL. Others have stepped out of bounds and bought things for the bride...aka centerpieces, without permission or being asked to. Others are involved on small levels, here and there as the bride permits.
Others keep waaay outta the way, wanting to keep their noses clean cuz they don't want to jeopardize their relationship with their son by stepping on any bridal toes. And still others have chosen when and where they Will be involved, no questions asked and no arguments accepted.

I'm in the category of sitting back, waiting and offering my help, if it's taken and received, great, if not....that's fine too.
It's an odd place to be....at least I find it odd.
After all...it's my sons wedding.
But alas, he ...being a he...and the he that he is...well...he is a good he and is doing the most amazing job of being that he.
Which leaves me being the MOG, with a rehearsal dinner to plan.

And really, that is awesome.
It's great that our future DIL is confidently moving forward, along with the help of Mom and friends to make the wedding of her desires come into fruition.

But again...the question begs an answer....

What other MOG would even care or have use for a website dedicated to them.

Wow...I rabbit trail a lot!

More MOG stuff

http://pinterest.com/lambow/mother-of-the-groom-if-any-of-my-sons-find-out-abo/

for more of my....let's say...tongue in cheek and visual thoughts on the life of a MOG, check out my pinterest board.

And for the record....this particular board was started  BEFORE any of my sons were dating or engaged.

Please....
laugh..it is NOT intended to be taken seriously!!

I'm a MOG

Mother of the Groom.
It's a new one for me. I've had lots of roles in weddings, but this one is a first. I have 2 more after this one...but for now...I'm on a learning curve.

I tell my oldest all the time he's my guinea pig. But truth be told, they all are. I digress....I'm talkin' wedding stuff today, not child rearing.

So MOG I be.
What I have learned so far:

- it really IS the brides day
- keeping your nose out of things is as easy as you choose it to be
- having an awesome future daughter in law makes it a heck of a lot easier
- dress shopping for such a day is not as easy as it sounds
- there are still areas to "let go" of your son
- tears are annoying
- tears are deceiving
- tears are inevitable...get use to it

I'm sure there's more.....it is a learning curve for this chickie who has planned, decorated, participated in, been involved in, helped with numerous areas in and assisted, many brides on their wedding days. This MOG's  place is to sit back, offer help, support, encouragement, small insignificant ideas and pour myself into the planning of the rehearsal dinner to help satisfy the planning bug!

The dress shopping hasn't actually been too painful....yet. So far I've just been making fun and groaning at the "Mother of the Groom/Bride" options. ARE THEY KIDDING ME!?  How frickin' old is the typical MOG?
95!?
Then for some odd reason....the pendulum swings far left and some of the dresses look like pageant costumes for 5 year old mini beauty queens. Good grief.

So the rules for dresses for me so far are:
- no white
- no black
- no mini
- no boobage
- no matronly
- no little jacket thingy that matches and I guess is suppose to add some kind of gawd awful style to the already hideous dress.

Shouldn't be too hard....right?

Promising no?
Maybe the fact that it doesn't actually do up in the back cuz it's about 4 sizes too small?
Ya...
and the fact that I can hardly drag the weight of it around. By the end of the day I would actually be able to fit into it from the massive calories burned from hauling that thing everywhere. Oye!

I think I'll continue my search.
Violet prom may not be the best look for this MOG for a November wedding.

Hmm...I wonder how red sequins would look......

Hello Blogger it's been awhile...

I have to confess....I've been cheating on you.
I've been around...I post elsewhere, I started a new relationship with a new online journal. I'm sorry.....and yet I'm not.

I've been wanting to write and been wanting to get use to "writing" on the computer as opposed to my hand written journals. So I figured I would start another one, not unlike I do with my hold in my hand, grab a pen and start jotting style of journal too.
Can't have too many I say!
Although...that theory takes on a different meaning when you have to pack all your above mentioned pen and paper journals and move them from point A to point B and they weigh a ton and you have no bookshelves or storage for them once you arrive at point B.
But...at any rate...I will stick to my previous belief of ' you can't have too many'.

So much has happened over the past couple of months...really, over the past year and a half.
I'm sure there's a book in there...but I'd prefer to use snippets of the experience at this point to reflect on and be encouraged by them, cuz that is part of life too.

In the Bible it talks about a book of remembrances. Those would be considered journals. I love that I have numerous books of remembrances to look back on, learn from and see all that has happened along lifes way.
I don't do it often, some of the journals are painful and dark, they unsettle my soul and they can breed disappointment in myself and guilt. So i don't think it's productive to read those...at least not until they don't illicit the same emotions.
Regret I've been told moves you forward...guilt holds you where you are.

Thinking back over the past year, I am at awe with all that has transpired. All we have accomplished and all we have learned...and are learning.

Since the end of June, God has spoken to friends and even a couple in Redding at Bethel who prayed over us, about us.
We have been given words of encouragement, words of blessing, insights into what God has for us and confirmations of where we are...what we're doing and where we're headed.
I can't say this enough, or stress it strong enough....We Are On The Most Amazing Faith Walk Of Our Lives.
And I don't see it ending anytime soon...if at all. I'd be thrilled if it never ended. I am gobsmacked at the stuff we are learning.
Oye! Amazing!
I'm grateful to my very gut with the words that have been spoken to us, the pictures our friends have been Divinely given to share with us.
I don't know how to express my gratitude fully.
But thank you...so much. God you are amazing. You are simply amazing.
The things we are learning are transforming our lives are making us look at what we've known to be true in a different, deeper, impacting level.

I
am moved beyond words.

And I want the capacity to learn more, hear more, experience more and just....be.

Just Be.

I'm done for now....I'm gonna go "be".

Be still and Know....
that I AM God.

Yes, You are.

I'll be.

She talks

Talk much about giftings?
Talents
Abilities

I do, or at least I think about them a lot.

I asked Dear Shellaylee  what she thought my giftings were.

" Speaking" without really skipping a beat.



Ah hahaha, sounds like all my elementary school teachers! " LeAnne is a pleasure to teach, she needs to, however, not talk so much during class time"

Oye.

I notice on emails, texts, facebook messages,....blogs.....I'm kinda wordy.

I blame my sister.
She talked for me for so many years, I have a lot to make up for....still!  When we moved back to Canada, after living in New Zealand for 2 1/2 years, we were enjoying listening to a cassette tape we had made and sent to my Grandparents while we were away.

Oh we had the cutest accents!! Mom was asking:" LeAnne, what did you get for Christmas?" "LeAnne, what did you do yesterday?" Was SO fun listening to my voice....hold on what?
                                                ... it was my sister!!??

Not my voice with the sweet Kiwi accent, but allllll hers answering all of Mom's questions. I'm not even sure if I ever got a word in edgewise on that tape or not.

Anyways...that's to say, that I didn't have much chance to talk with my big sister around to take care of that communication FOR me.

And yes....still making up for it.

Then.....Graciously, yet very honestly...Shellaylee added:

" And listening".

Thank you Shell. I learned that valuable lesson early on in life it seems, thanks KD ;)

Let's pretend....

My absolutely, hands down, undeniable favorite game when I was younger. Every play date started off with the same words..
                                   ....."Let's pretend.....".

Oh I loved pretending...being someone else. I'm sure there was a lot of dialogue explaining what and how and why I was pretending in such a way. Because along with pretending...I needed to be understood.

I still do.
I don't pretend as much though.....I stopped that not long after I got married.

                                                                                                                        I wonder why.

I think, cuz I thought
                               I needed to grow up and live in reality and not fantasy.

I would say...a little precious part of me died or went on a very deep sleep then. I think pretend is where reality starts.
I think pretend is where dreams enter into a world of what can be...not just maybe or what if.

I think if we pretended more, we'd stress less.



I still don't pretend much.....oh....


                                     Oh.


I remember when I stopped pretending, and hoping and dreaming. When they became to heavy. The Hope I had in my dreams......hurt. My heart ached and I started to put them away. I'd had enough heavy heartedness...I didn't want to give it to myself. I wanted to "protect" myself.

So I gave them up, some I gave to God and surrendered.

                                           Some I buried and covered up, hid, disowned.

I don't know what to say..........

I'd like to dream and pretend again. I wonder if I can be as good at it as I was when I was 6.

Pursing Happiness

Chris Gardner 's advice is what I've started my day off with. Along with the statement David made in a prayer to God " Keep me as the apple of your eye".

I'm challenged by Chris saying " here’s the secret to success: find something you love to do so much, you can’t wait for the sun to rise to do it all over again.”
And by Davids seemingly very Bold statement of remaining as God's favorite.

Both forced me to think of who I am, what I love and....knowing that God created me, chose all the bits and pieces, carefully wove them together to create Me!.....I want to know what I love, and I want to know HOW I'm loved.

So much that He just wants me to pursue my Happiness, based on my unique make up, bents, passions, interests, desires, hopes, dreams, talents, abilities, giftings.....
Oye!

So that is my commission and plan. Remember, who I am. Who I've always been. Who I will be and grow it all out into the amazing person God created me to be....as the Apple of His Eye.

Have to say.....I'm His Favorite.

( go ahead, believe it for yourself....KNOW it!! You're His favorite too.....He has the capacity)


LA.....all my world is a stage.

June 13th.....Rain

Haven't said anything at all since we moved off our island in the pacific.

Don't know even what to say now.....but feel I should.

We move today.
It's raining out.
We have no bed.
....or furniture to speak of.

I'm happy we're moving....on one hand. On the other, it means more change, adjustment, unknowns, unfamiliar.....

But on the happy we're moving side. I'm happy we're moving. I want a bath.

There have been growing pains in Arvee. Lessons.....I hope I learned them...never to be repeated...but I'm not sure what the lessons were...that's not a good sign.

On the ending note. I feel so loved over here. I feel appreciated, cared for, and wanted. Friends and family are showing up to help us move.

No one showed up on the island.

I'm happy we're moving today.....there's a soaker tub there.

Sing...Sing a Song...

Songs keep running through my head...non stop!
doing my hair, writing emails, making coffee and just plain vegging....they are continual!

And I am SO thankful!! The are a constant reminder that I'm not alone in all the changes that we're facing....

The one that cracks me up the most is:

My God is so Big, so strong and so mighty there's nothing my God cannot do!

Yes, back to Sunday School! But it just keeps going...like the song that never ends! Well...until the other one chimes in that is...

My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus Blood and Righteousness....I dare not trust the sweetest frame but wholly lean on Jesus Name.
On Christ the solid Rock I stand all other ground is sinking sand....All other ground is sinking Sand.

Ah....I well up.

How grateful I am that with fears trying to creep in, doubts and what if's try to crowd my mind and take over to bring unsettled uneasy feelings...
I can have my soul singing and completely dispelling those thoughts and bringing complete...utter, unfathomable Peace....which passes all understanding!

Why feel at complete peace in the face of so many unknowns and changes? Knowing full well I don't have what it takes on my own to take me through it all.
Cuz I have promises from my Heavenly Father who cares more about me than the birds and fish, the land he created and the water He set in place.

Be anxious about NOTHING, but...in EVERYTHING, with THANKSGIVING, let  your request be made known to God! AND....the PEACE of God....which passes ALL UNDERSTANDING....will guard your heart and your minds in Christ Jesus!

Phew! And yup!! True to His word....my heart is guarded and my mind is peaceful. And I....am eternally Grateful!!

My God is SO big, SO strong and SO mighty!! There is NOTHING my God cannot do!!
For you.

My Journal Entry " April 17/12 Tuesday"

Journal:

I've been reading about dieting.

Slow carb
                          Sugar Free
         Weight watchers
                                                    Low carb
                                                                              Raw food
                            Vegan
                                                                                                          
Blah blah blah.....


What to do with it all? What is really Maintainable?

This is!

-Eating healthy, whole foods.
-Don't over eat.
-Watch your portions.

-Exercise for strengthening your heart and body, NOT to lose weight.
             AND
-Don't be STUPID.

Be sensible and realize that diets....don't.....work!!



I am:
- Cutting back on flour, sugar and fruit cuz I can and for me, it's a good thing to do!




 Being smart and intelligent about how and what I eat. I'm diffusional to think I can

 eat:

what I want

when I want 

how much I want

And not gain weight and even think I'll lose!?

Unless........ 

I make those "wants" SMART that is!

If they aren't smart....and in fact stupid, then my results will show it!

If I want to make stupid choices, then I need to realize they will make me look stupid if I expect any other results and if I don't take responsibility and acknowledge I won't get the results I want!!

Stupid choices constantly IN ( my pie hole)

Stupid to think I'll get good results!

 2 stupids don't make a smart.

When will people learn? If you eat crap you'll feel like crap and look like crap.
You aren't 15 any more and you DO in FACT need to be responsible for what you eat. Processed food is crap.
Ok...preachin' to the choir, I know.
I know what is the right thing to eat. I'm one smart cookie ( which I only indulge in on occasion) and I know that I know that I KNOW!!

Diets

Do

Not 

Work

and neither can they be maintained....or if they can....who the heck wants to?

I like my cake
but I won't eat it for every meal

I love french fries
but I don't have them on a daily or even weekly menu...or flip, even monthly!

I adore baking
but it's saved for special occasions ( which do NOT include waking up, which is a gift every day and worth celebrating btw)

I love love love chocolate
and ok, so I eat it every day.....but it's in small quantities and it's actually good for me ( whatever, it's my little life indulgence, go find your own)

There ya have it.
My little rant about dieting and being stupid.

Which I'm not.....and I really believe others aren't either.....?

So I know better
And I'm doing better.......

for the most part.

hehehehe

                                          

Let's look at this now...

So here we are.

Our comfort zone is shrinking.

Our known reality is changing.

And we have a choice.....along with the many that have led us to this point.

Freak out? Focus on what we are leaving behind? Mourn the loss of what "was"? Worry about the "unknowns"?

OR

Embrace it.  And have fun!

Like I said, it's been choices that led us here. Some we calculated, others we just threw caution to the wind and just did it! But no bones about it....we made choices.

And dang it! I'm gonna enjoy the ride! We both are!

Don't get me wrong...I shed tears over my big comfy chair leaving yesterday. I have a headache cuz I have no great spot of comfort to veg in. And I am concerned as to how the heck we're gonna fit all this "stuff" into our car and RV.....but....

We are venturing out on what others fear to do, we're taking on a life change and following through with what we said we were gonna do!

And LOOK!! We haven't shriveled up and died! hahaha

I have NO idea what lies ahead....no clue. I know what I "want" to happen. And I know what we're gonna do to try to "make" it happen.
And I also know that wanting and making are handed over to Faith, Trust, Hope and Belief that:  "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

So.....we walk out this step of Faith....it's an adventure. And we still have to make choices on what we are gonna focus on.
The good?
The bad?
The ugly?
The excitement?
The unknowns?
The adventure?
The amazing things that are just outside our comfort zone?

Like a new...big comfy chair? Or a cozy little corner on the end of our RV's sofa.

I'm all good. Comfort zones are really a choice also.... Being comfortable with change and we're good to go!

Reality?

 Why do they say " back to reality" when you get home from vacation? Why does that have to be a fantasy? I'm curious...

does "reality"  just mean blah de blah and back to the grind and mundane that is life?

Cuz who wants to sign up for that?? 

No wonder so many people dread going home after their little escape from their reality! No wonder they want to live in their fantasy land.
I would too! In fact...I DO. I have zero desire for mundane, for boring, for status quo, for getting by and merely surviving!!

Is that what we were created for? Is that the meaning of life? So not appealing on any level!!!!

YUCK

I want a life less ordinary. I want to travel as part of my "reality" and make fantasy something of unicorns and pots of gold at the end of rainbows.

I'm all for working hard, if it's at something you LOVE and something that INSPIRES, that uses you GIFTINGS, TALENTS, ABILITIES, EXPERIENCES for GOOD.....no for GREAT!!!
Why do people think you're a dreamer if this is what you want?
Some people have it ALL!!!! I want it ALL TOO!

Thanks, but no thanks, I'll pass on the same old same old that the majority of people have bought into. I'm going for the AMAZING!!!

Gonna figure out how to make the travel, lifestyles of the rich and famous a part of

 MY reality!!!

Life's too short, you hear it all the time....why waste it on life draining? Fill it with Life GIVING!!!

Ahhhhhhh

Ok, got a bubble in my heart!! SOOOOOO EXCITING!!!

Why not!!!???? RIGHT?!

Disclaimer

Just need to say....
I write how I talk, I talk how I write and I don't edit much at all.

I try to think before I talk, but I can't say I think much before I write. It just comes out. The sentence structure isn't the greatest, but the heart of my hearts message is there and really,at this point it's all I care about...is getting my thoughts out.
And I'm having fun with it.

And if it ain't fun, well, then what's the point.

And fyi too....I have journals upon journals filled with this stuff too.

'Cept, maybe scarier.

wink

Tigers and Lions and Bears...ya right

YEAH ME!!

I faced a lion this morning....it was actually me. Most of the lions in my life are actually all made up in my head and look a lot like fear and well.....me.

I know this is not isolated to me, I know others have the same challenges of getting in their own way. And the answers are typically all the same.
Just face your fears. Now...
I'm not saying step in front of a semi. Or leap off the top of your house...and really, if I need to tell you not to do those...then you've got bigger problems than facing a few fears! SEEK HELP!

I digress...hahahaha...as usual.

Basically a couple different things helped me face this particular "lion". One was advice from Anthony Robbins. Stand, Breath and Think as if you can't fail. That what you want is already yours. When you are confident, you stand, breath and think and Speak differently. So that's what I did. I stood tall, I breathed smoothly and thought successfully and I spoke with confidence. I had what I wanted to say spelled out and well...
I faced my lion!!

A phone call.

Ah.....but I'm not the only one!! I know LOTS of people who hate making calls, who are scared to pick up the phone, who are immediately intimidated to dial the numbers and they freeze, put it off, avoid at all costs, make excuses, and basically hide.
And I do too. Too many times to count.

I'd say it's ridiculous....and it probably is. And I can say it's all in my head, which again it is. I can say it's a waste of energy and yes...it's that too.

But I need to be validated sometimes in my fears, to know that others face them too, even if they seem silly. What fears aren't?
Really....again, not the semi facing "I can stare down the grill of that mac truck" kind of fear....that my friends is STUPID and carries signs of mental disturbances. SEEK HELP.

I'm thankful for all the people who have spoken, wrote and shared in various ways how they have faced their fears, how they have overcome, one little fear at a time, I so appreciate the fact they have admitted and been authentic about them, cuz....well, it's empowered me, made me feel I'm in good company  and given me the extra little push and support I needed in knowing I'm not alone and they survived...so can I.

Well...
One lion down.

There's still a freakin' den full waiting. But...I survived to face again! I can do this! I am Woman, hear me Roar!

bwahahahaha
 

Thoughts on a rainy Monday

Oh so happy! Got my new alligners! Aaaannnndddd......less speed bumps! Whoop!! Only 6 this time, 7 less than last...so happy.
Back on track to straighter teeth. Wonder if I'll miss my fang. Been told it's sexy. Funny, whenever I'm told something in particular I do is sexy or could be sexy, I avoid it.
It is not something I aspire to. Or if I do....I'd rather it be considered something else. I've never been a huge fan of the word or what is suggests.

Females are ridiculous when it comes to how they project themselves. Not alllll women....but stupid ones. Yup, that's what I think. I think it's stupid. All boobs and no depth? Show off you bootie and not your spirit, soul, your heart...?
Makes me crazy. But I wonder...do they know any better?
Did their mama's tell them if that's all they put out there, that's all they'll get back? I don't think parents have enough conversations with their kids when it comes to relationships and who they are.
I tried to be really open with our kids. I did my best to talk about things they may have rather avoided...but then again, they didn't leave.
( maybe cuz I also taught them to respect their parents and not walk away when they are being talked to! haha)
But anyway, I talked about how to relate, how to be careful, how to treat each other, what to expect and what to avoid. I also asked a lot of questions....
What my sons thought of girls who showed little modesty? What about magazines by the check out? What they thought of sex before marriage? What they were wanting in a spouse? What was most important? Raising kids, who would? Homeschooling....adoption....careers...money...Christianity....religion...
We talked. And ya know...I personally think they all turned out amazing.

And...I still ask. I told them I would.

Asking if they are honoring their girlfriends by treating them with respect and not taking advantage of them. Being careful to care.
Are they being true to who they are and what they believe? Are they walking in integrity?

My kids are far from perfect, in fact, I have to remind myself to not be so hard on them at times. But, they are amazing people.
And I'm so thankful for all the conversations we had, all the challenges we brought them to walk the walk they said they believed in. To make their yes be yes and their no be no. To live above the common sense of this world and seek counsel from wise people.

Hmm..not sure if this is where I thought it would go...but I guess.....it's not surprising. My heart isn't ever far from thinking of my kids.
They are part of my heartbeat and they are knit into my very being.
My love for them that is...they are their own Free Will Agents, and so far, they have spread their wings and have made a beautiful impact on the world around them!

Wow....how humbled and amazed and blessed I am that they all call me Mom.

Write now

Don't always "feel" like writing, but I'm just gonna "should" all over myself and do it....cuz,well, I should.

Had a friend stay the night with two of her girls. It was very low key compared to the polar opposite that is her home. Her's is, to be somewhat understated...busy. Mine....is not.

Anyway, it was great having her here even if it was short, twas sweet. I ventured out and told her I wanted to be a writer and speaker but omitted the rich and famous part....figured the writer/speaker was out there enough.
Then she asked a question that stumped me, which is actually really funny AND ironic. " What do you want to write?"
Hm. Ah. Uh.....ya, I don't know. Then I proceed to just sit and feel dumb.

Told Sammy the manly man, later and as always, being less literal than myself, he was able to explain in simple ( this time) detail on what exactly she was asking. And here I thought it was a story line. No...alas, the answer could have been as simple as " I want to write something that makes people cry".
Oooohhhhhhh.....I seeeee...

Riiiight.
That's super, I can answer that question! What I want to write! I know that answer. I want to write something that makes people laugh and think. Something that inspires and encourages. I wanna write stuff that makes people feel understood and sane. I have at numerous times in my life felt none of those and all of those.
Sane is a good thing. And I know that stems from feeling understood. I want "them" to know, they are understood at  the very least, by me!
So, what it comes down to, I want to share myself. I have very little problem sharing myself. I've always been kind of an open book, not a lot left to the imagination, other than " ya gotta wonder what's going on in her head?....oh wait....there it is!"
So, if I can spare someone from feeling insane, misunderstood, alone, helpless, lonely, sad, desperate, unloved...oh my this list could go on for awhile.
But all to say, if anything in my wee life can touch anyone for the positive...well then,  I'm more than happy to bare my soul, heart mind and body...ok, not body, I am quite modest.

Feelin' pretty good about this! I can write and right now....even better? I can answer someone who asks that darn question " what".

Phew

Have a coaching appointment this morning with some guy from Anthony Robbins  coaching....people, thingy.
Signed up and now I'm wondering what the heck for?
I don't know what I want or need. Think it'll help? No clue....don't particularly want to waste this guys time, but at the same time I kinda wanna know what it's all about.
Well...
guess I'll find out won't I?

Coaches or mentors are so important to move forward in your career...but you kind of need to know what direction you 'want' to head in right?

Being rich, famous and notarized is probably not enough? Dang

I'm trying to embrace the whole insurance broker thing...well, half a**ed I'd say. But if I don't that leaves me clueless as to what to do or where to go.
So, I'm here, I'll do what I can and see where it leads.

Should really kinda get excited about it, cuz why not right? Why just feel blargy blarg about it. Put it on, wear it and have fun!
hahahaha
Insurance and fun!! There ya go! Recipe for a really good time? Add insurance!
Let me tell you, nothing gets a party started with some great insurance quiz! Or better yet, do a whole presentation on UL's vs Whole life! Bring on the tequila!
Actually, everyone would be calling for it! hahahaha

Any who..
I'll find the "fun" and make the most of it!

Ok, now....gonna go get ready for my coaching appointment...by reading the questionnaire I filled out and can't remember how I answered!

I Will Praise You in This Storm

So, as per my night life, I was awake again last night....big shock and amazement. But then again, big deal, at least I wake up feeling ok and alert. If it was a case of feeling dopey and sleepy, I'd probably call the doc and get something stiff and strong to knock me out.

Anyway...got up, after spending some time praying and trying to stay focused....which lately hasn't been working at the best of times!
Anyways....again!

I got up to spend some purposeful prayer time with God and my bible...which I haven't actually taken out and read in quite some time. Thought and prayed a moment, then felt led to Job. I've never quite understood the story of Job...well, I get the whole "life shot to hell" point, but not how his friends were actually wrong in their advice and support. I had skim read it before and figured all they had to say was pretty right on. I think cuz that's what I would have said what I would have suggested and encouraged my friend Job to do.
Guess I'd be told to take a hike and shut up too then.
I'm not into explaining it all, or what or how they were wrong and yadda yadda...what my point is, is the word I got from God last night for ME.
Yep, Got me a word directly from God!! How cool is that? Long story short. Prayed Sunday along with Bill Johnson and prayed again last night for a specific word.
He answered and He gave.

Ya ready?

" I'm preparing you LeAnne ( He always spells my name right!) Hold tight to me"
So I had the audacity to ask:
" Good or bad, riches or failure?"
He said:
" Does it matter? Hold tight to Me"

Nope, it doesn't matter.
Cuz either way...I'm safe. I'm good.

I've sang a song so many times when things turn to sh** and I am beside myself with concern....and usually bawling my eyes out.

" I will praise you in this storm, cuz you are who you are...no matter where I am, and every tear I cry, you hold in your hand and though my heart is torn.....I will praise you in this storm"

And

"Though the fig tree may not blossom and there be no fruit on the vine....yet will I rejoice in the Lord"

And

" God will make a way, where there seems to be no way...he works in ways, we cannot see, he will make a way for me"

These songs have brought me such amazing strength and comfort. And I know...if I can praise Him in storms or in crappy times.....along with the good and easy?
I'll be the stronger for it, I'll be safe and secure.
I'll have all I need. Safety in my Fathers arms. What more could a girl ask for? I'm so thankful, so blessed and I'll do as I'm told..to the best of my understanding and ability....
I'll hold tight to Him and not worry about all the "what if's".
He's totally got me covered....He's promised.

Pinned

Craziness!!
Ya know, I wanted to grow my pinterest following....and this has at the very least gotten me some attention! I'm loving the repinning and liking and all the comments, so cool!

here's the pin of interest!

http://pinterest.com/pin/257408934921877523/

so far 621 repins and 284 likes with 22 comments!

I'm wondering what the greatest numbers of repins anyone has had?!
Mine I'm sure. haha

By commenting , I even found who the photographer was! A good ol' Canadian girl from Calgary =D

"This was taken by Carol Lynn Frazer of Edmonton, AB, Canada. She is a creative artist and school teacher. Many people think this is photoshopped but she assured us it is not. The photo was taken at night using a flash. No other changes were made to the photo."
Thank you Ginny Marx for getting that info to me!

Ok, coffee time....had to share...oh right, and post that Ted talk on the previous blog entry!

Ah...it's either the blonde or the grey.....

Grateful

Amazing how...one minute you are scared, frustrated or discouraged and the next you are OVER the moon! So happy, so blessed and thankful!
Then, give it an hour or so, you can so easily be back to being scared.

GRAB HOLD OF YOUR MIND LEANNE!!!

We ( I'll be saying "we" a lot cuz Sam and I are in this thing of life together and it's where "we" are at...just to be clear, it's not a split personality or this "thing" I have about calling myself "we" )
right...
We, have been learning so much about the power of the spirit of gratitude, the strength there is in being positive and how important it is to focus on what is good.
It breeds this amazing fertile soul haha...oops, I meant to write soil, but soul it is! It creates and breeds this fertile soul in which amazing, wonderful, beautiful, strength grows from.
It also draws more wonderment, beauty and gratefulness to you!
We have been practicing keeping on minds set on that which is good ( very biblical and a foundational truth) And wow...can we see a difference in our lives!
The freedom and rest we find in having joyful hearts. That is peace right there.

So what I was talking about before.
We watched a Ted talks this morning, sooo good! Hmmm...I'll post it here, so I can watch it again and my huge viewing audience can too! hahaha
Anyways, it talks of how "Happy" needs to be the beginning state...not the destination...cuz...
you'll never get there! The finish line keeps moving.
I'll be happy when.....
and when that when comes...you move the goal post! So how long are you actually happy with your accomplishment? Millisecond? Well, maybe longer...but not much. Cuz what I do....is I set a new goal right away!
Well that was nice, and yeah me....but ya, I can do better, reach higher, accomplish more...be thinner. ;op

So....here's a thought! Start with Happy! Work in Happy. Be in happy, and live life Happy. Set your mind, your heart, your spirit and your being on that state. Then...accomplishments, goals, dreams, successes, gifts, and all that other "stuff" Will be the frosting on that fabulous cake life you've been living all along already!

Your happy won't be dependent on it....your joy will not be wavered..... your peace will remain secure and you can live relatively stress free! Not having to perform in order to live a full wonderful happy life!!

How great is that a concept?

I like frosting...I love cake. I'll take em both.....but for now....I'm uber happy enjoying my cake...My Happy Cake!

ahahahahaha
This post makes me smile! =D

right...next day the girl gets the link on here!! sheesh!

 http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work.html

Leap it

What a great way to start a day! Especially a day we only get once every 4 years.

I want to make this my life  motto, to live this full on. So often I let questions and concerns, doubts and fears get in the way of what I really want.....then I think, if it can be taken out with those...is it really what I want?

I find it so much easier to help others make things happen, to cheer them on, to help organize their lives while mine continues to be tossed around with each new bright and shiny idea that grabs my crow like attention. Oooooo sparkly....

I've been doing more soul searching, more information gathering and more honest to goodness reality checks with myself. I'm learning tons, but is it getting me closer to what my "dream" is? Am I more clear on where I'm going, why I'm going and how am I going to get there? Not really. But what I am doing, is stepping out and trying what there is that comes my way in opportunity and ideas, more than just writing them down and then filing them away.

That's why this blog is happening. I figured, if writing is an idea, then why not start? I'm planning on developing this into a video blog too. Cuz I thought maybe I'd like to do some public speaking.....so I can practice on me with a camera and see how it goes!
Also, opened a twitter message from escape artist and they offered a free subscription for travel writers. So, what the heck, nothing ventured nothing gained and I SO want to travel, so I'll start with looking at where I want to go!

So not only is this for learning sake...this blog, it's also for my own personal accountability. To put things in writing to help me make progress and keep moving forward.

I feel somewhat safe here, yet also exposed.....cuz it's going out "there"...into cyber space....for someone to maybe find. Ah well....who's looking. Just me and my little corner of the webworld....all to myself. Shhh...don't tell anyone!

This is me

A little about moi.

I learned recently I'm a rebel AND have prestige....so combined I'm considered a trendsetter. What's not to like about that analysis?
This is from Fascinate the book. I haven't read it, but did an online little survey of myself. I think it's pretty accurate and I love it,  so I'm gonna go with it.
The colors however aren't my favorite. Purple and Yellow. Reminds me of my old school colors. Which they aren't, but they remind me of it...no comment.

I have been known to stand backwards or sideways in a bank line, it always makes me feel like a cow. Not like a big fat lard a** but literally like a cow, in a stall, facing the same way, waiting to be milked. But it's not isolated to bank line ups.
I've had trouble walking down a street where it seems everyone is heading in the same direction. Does anyone else relate to this at all? I want to skip or wander back and forth or stop and go or do SOMETHING to set me a part. To stop feeling like....a cow. I think it's the rebel in me...wonder if I could start a trend with wander walking....

Something else, is I dislike the word "Special" and not because it has a " needs" attachment to it. But because, everyone is "special". So in essence it cancels out the "special". Sang a song in Grade 4 in church. " I'm something special, I'm the only one of my kind, God gave me a body and a bright healthy mind. He has a special purpose that He wanted me to find, so He made me something Special, I'm the only one of my kind".
I disliked that song....and how odd really, as I write it and the tune goes through my head singing the words.....I realize what a great truth to teach kids!
Hmmmm...maybe I should start embracing that word more....

I digress, my point is in a different direction. I like the word " unique". I like being "unique" or "different". I don't want to settle for the status quo. I want and always have wanted to .....drum roll...Monumental Moment here.....

Live a Life Less Ordinary.

Which in some ironic way...is pretty much what I lived for the past 25 years. And absolutely LOVED it!

But alas, my time has come to put ordinary aside...and embrace my true nature, my cosmic Heavenly divine calling...

And be a Rebel! Take that Trendsetting person out and show her a world she's only dreamed of!!!

Watch out, ready or not, here I come! ( I'll be the one wandering back and forth, too and fro down the road of life, no I'm not lost....and I'm certainly NOT a cow)

Why

This is where I will compile my list of "why"s. Why I want what I want, why I do what I do and why I care about what I care about...and whatever any other why's come to me in the process.


- To see my husband become stark raving successful...not mad ( unless I get too involved, cuz I could do that to anyone)
- To do, see, be, help, give, experience, travel, help, serve, buy, enjoy, bless....anyone really, but first my family.
- To see it actually happen....whatever "it" is. I know...does not make sense, but I'm hoping one day it will. "it" will.....I know it.
- To "show" "them". Ya, not a great "why" but I'm not here to be proper...I'm here to be honest.

That's it for now. The "why"s I've come up with so far.

Now if only I could figure out the "what". Then.....we're getting somewhere!

Excellent!

A place I can ramble without having to worry who reads it and I can get use to getting my thoughts down on the computer rather than the ka-gillion notebooks, journals, pads of paper and scraps I find to jot on!

I'm here . At that dot.
I want to get ------------------------------------> there, add much more to the arrows distance, I don't have room, so use your imagination.
I know from here . to ---------------------------------------> there, it is going to take some steps....and I'm totally ok with that...in fact I'm quite good with that, cuz I'm not ready for ---------------------------------------> there yet.

Do I know where ----------------------------------------> there is? that's very very important!! Eep. Where is ---------------------------------> cuz unless I know....I ain't gonna get ---------------------------------->there. ( I think my arrows are getting shorter...due to my attention span)

Ok, what I know is:
- I don't want to be a career Insurance Broker ( yes, I'm licensed and I'll keep it, but it's not my calling)
- that middle class know what they " don't" want but not always what they "do" want. ( argh, middle class thinker aboard)
- I do know I want to be successful! ( can I be a successful " I don't know what I wanna be" ? guess so, cuz so  far I'm succeeding in it!
- I do know I've got dreams! ( big small, here there, flighty and firm I gottem!)
- I do know I want to be financially FREE! ( yes, I can sing " Money money money" with the best of them!)
- I want to travel ( that is self explanatory....well it is if you're a traveler, if not, use your imagination)
- I want to have fun ( there is fun to be had and dang it....I'm gonna find it!)
- I want to be authentically ME. ( I'm pretty cool, I have really great blonde hair, I laugh at myself and others...what? that's not a good thing? pish. I have a temper. I am rebellious, oddly enough, this was kind of news to me! Not to my teachers, parents, employers, husband or the people who try to make you line..I'm a line rebel.
-I want to share my life. I've got stuff, to share. Stuff to share. Stuff I'll share, stuff and share, Stuff. It's interesting to me.....and maybe a handful of others who can relate to having....stuff.

And I have a dog.
And a husband, not in that order. And kids...they are all gone now..no not tragically, they moved out. Not tragic aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat all!
Ok, so it was at the beginning outward movement, but now? Ya, it's great when they "visit".

So there I go. Shared pretty well nothing, and everything I could think of without rambling on for countless hours.

And it's on in written form. For no-one to judge but me...cuz it seems this particular blog lost all of the 4 followers I had a year ago! Go figure?

Ok, so I need to work on how to end....I'm kinda drawing a blank.

Aaaaannnnndddd......Scene

It's all I had.