I wonder at times what I am doing here. 

I have been told I am a writer, that I have such a gift with words and expressing myself. That I have so much in me to share, that I am doing the world an injustice by not writing......

I write. I am a writer. I am an author ( don't go looking for books if you are reading this on Feb 12 2016, they aren't published yet)
I do have so much in me to share and say. I have words that want to get out. I have ideas, experiences and all sorts of 'nonsense' wanting to be expressed.

I haven't fully owned this yet.

I sat, actually laid, and meditated yesterday again on this. What blocks I have, what is hindering me, what is standing in my way, on a cellular level. I think I think on this too much and just need to make my way into writing more and getting it out there.

10 pages or 2000 words a day sounds so intimidating.

"We cannot achieve more in life than what we believe in our heart of hearts we deserve to have"
-James R. Ball-

So true hey?

Ah my heart of hearts.
I remember those words started a whole new level of freedom for me, a couple decades ago when I heard them on my kids video about Samuel the prophet choosing little shepherd boy David as the future King of Israel.
" Men look on the outward appearance, but God looks on the heart" And God took it took it to the next level for me...
My heart of hearts.
My deepest desires, my true heart that sometimes gets shadowed by my selfish heart. Well, at the time I thought it was my heart, but now I believe my heart can never be what is considered by most "selfish". No, I believe our hearts are connected so intimately, divinely and deeply to who we are as a whole, as a universal people, that what the heart wants and moves in, is for the best interest of everyone.

I believe if we all connected, truly connected with our heart of hearts, we would be serving, experiencing, living in such a harmonious unity that "selfish" would never be considered. Our needs would be met, in such a profound way, over flowing into and onto others, we would all be fulfilled and whole.

It sounds so idealistic and naive, but I think it is really how we are created to Be.

We were and are created for Eden. We are one, energy, spirit, consciousness, whatever you want to call "it". God. I personally believe we were created by God, and given His very nature and power to create the world around us. Through our heart of hearts, through our beliefs, through our dreaming and hoping. Using similar creativity He used to create us, aside from the mud, that is.

My heart of heart, is to live this out, in such a way it impacts the world around me, the people I come in contact in such a profound way, that they give themselves permission to do the same. I want to see people free to live the lives they always wanted. I want to see the joy spill out of them, the love guide them, the hope prevail in them and the spread of this, like wild fire to others.....so it' just goes on...and on...and on...eternally.

What a beautiful world that would be.

I believe.
In my heart of hearts.
This is possible.
I believe it's the way we are intended to  live.