Breakthrough!

Have to share...just need to..want to. Compelled to.

I had an amazing breakthrough just a couple days ago..with a lie that I had been living out for over 30 years.
A fear that had gripped me, toyed with me, held me hostage and literally was an obsession.

It told me if I let go of it...I'd completely lose control. And one of my greatest fears would become a reality.
I carried this fear, this lie around, for so long it felt like a part of me. I didn't see the lie...how could I, I had invited it into my life..unknowingly when I was just barely a teen. Young, naive and trying to do the right thing.

This lie, taunted me, it played with me, depressed me and made me feel inadequate and like a loser.

Nothing was good enough to quench this lie. I couldn't work hard enough, obsess enough, to rid myself of it.

Oh the pool full of tears I have shed over this lie. The novel length, countless journals I have filled.

The hatred it rose in me for myself and my lack of control. The words of disgust it caused me to yell of how horrible I was....

Lies are like that....Fears are like that. They hold you captive, with small "truths" twisted and disguised. Lies can't create from nothing, they aren't that talented, they build from some small truth and distort to make themselves believable. Fear is similar. Not able to do anything without a small truth attached.

They are sordid, horrendous creatures that seek to destroy and tear down. Their main objective is to cause harm. There is no good in them, they want to control, manipulate ...they want to make you hurt.

Mine was so unwanted, but at the same time..the lie it held me with was the letting go part...I'd lose control!!!

I'd become....fat.

I found out, it was a lie on top of a lie. A fear holding tight to a lie to hold me captive in a self destructive pattern. That only led to bondage...not freedom.

So,
I saw the lie, I was fearful, but I exposed it, called it by name...and rejected it. I called it out. It has no authority in MY life. It has no place in my world any longer.
 I am beautiful, I am loved. I am free.
The fear was exposed as ridiculous...unfounded. Weak, it literally left without a fight.
The fear no longer has any grip on me.

I am completely able to walk in peace knowing.... That no matter what...no matter how big..or small I am. No matter.
I am Loved. Completely, utterly, fully.

LOVED
Pressed down, shaken together and running over...Loved.

Free